letters to juliet
by acronymed
Summary: Crack, slight AU from movie. Deep, deep down, Garsiv really does love his brother. Sort of. "Sometimes, I have dreams that father tramples you with his horse instead of saving you." — Garsiv, Dastan.


**TITLE.** Letters to Juliet.  
**FANDOM. **Prince of Persia.  
**SUMMARY. **Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, Garsiv truly does love his brother. Sort of.  
**NOTES. **I am so, so sorry. Mild AU for the movie. Garsiv survives! For a bit at least.  
**DISCLAIMER. **Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

To The Thorn In My Side,

Uncle is rather displeased that you simply refuse to die like a good boy. I told him you never were very agreeable and are kind of a pain in the ass. He didn't agree with me, but that freak with the snake didn't try to kill me again, so I suppose I'll count it as a win.

How is life as a fugitive? I heard you kidnapped the princess in the process of running away. She's rather lovely; hope you don't mind if I borrow her for a while. I never realized how boring it was around here until I stopped having you to torment.

Hope Father's ghost haunts you forever,

_Garsiv_

* * *

Dear Garsiv,

Tell Uncle he smells of rats and other evil things, and that I have enclosed the head of one of that freak's snakes. I hope he cuts himself on it's fangs. And I am not a pain in the ass!

Also, while you are my brother and I do love you, even if you are an evil bastard most days, if you touch Tamina in any way, I will stab you in the face with something sharp and probably stolen.

I do not miss you picking on me. At all.

For the last time, I didn't kill him!

Just leave it alone, already,

_Dastan_

P.S. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

* * *

Moron,

One of the servants didn't realize the snake head was real and is subsequently dead now. Congratulations, I actually _liked _him. And you were so; you used to say my helmet looked like a giant nipple. Have you ever even _seen _a nipple? Gods, you were stupid.

How many times have we discussed this: _do not ever go for the face. _And I will touch _Tamina _all I damn well please, given she's my hostage now and such.

Funny, you giving him the coat that killed him seems to say otherwise.

No, I will not leave it alone you buffoon, you murdered dad,

_Garsiv_

P.S. That's just the nausea from the poison I soaked the letter in setting in.

* * *

Bastard,

Tamina has a suspicious looking bruise on her neck and she gets all red whenever I mention your name. Whatever you did to her, I'm going to kill you for it. Violently. _In the face._

I still can't believe you kidnapped her while I was… taking care of business. You could have at least waited until I finished for a proper showdown!

She tries to hide it, but she looks a little hopeful when I leave for extended periods of time. I think she's hoping you'll come back for an encore. And she doesn't glare at me as much. It's terrifying.

Tus gave it to me, damn it!

Wave your sword at him,

_Dastan_

P.S. Good thing Tamina's good with healing. And her _hands. _

* * *

Idiot Sibling #2,

Honestly, you act like you've never had sex before - wait.

I apologize for seducing your prospective love interest. But not really.

As much as I'd have loved to have fought you with your pants around your legs, I had more pressing matters to attend to. Like Alamut's princess.

Perhaps I _will _come back for a repeat performance.

As if the future king would do something like kill his own fathe - hold on,

_Garsiv_

P.S. Been there, done that. _Literally._

* * *

Dear Dropped As A Child,

Forgive me for not being as promiscuous as you.

I am still slightly mad at you.

_Like hell you will._

Oh, so now you believe me? How did you not think of it yourself; what are you, _daft? _Oh, wait,

_Dastan_

P.S. _YOU WHAT._

* * *

Spawn,

Tus thinks you're an idiot and is hurt that you would think he would kill father, and regrettably still misses you. I, however, do not.

I slightly loathe you, so we're even.

I _will. _

Sometimes, I have dreams Father tramples you with his horse instead of saving you,

_Garsiv_

P.S. I did.

* * *

Your pet names are not endearing,

I'm going to ignore all your prior shortcomings simply because you saved my life and somehow managed to survive three knives to the chest, you utter _maniac. _

Plus, you - surprisingly - listened to me. Or were going to. Will once you finally wake up.

Tamina is mildly depressed, and by mildly, I mean she's skulking about while declaring she is _not _skulking about and not really convincing anyone. This means you better survive because like _hell _am I dealing with her mourning and crying for the duration of our marriage - I mean.

I am still of the firm belief that you have no soul,

_Dastan_

P.S. So did I. _Twice._

* * *

Dastan (that physically hurts to write),

I am not a maniac. I am a complete badass. There is a marginally important difference between the two.

I will listen to you only because it will give me the opportunity to assess Tamina's… assets. Oh, and because you're my brother.

The entire female population would cry if I died - this is a known fact. _Keep up, _Dastan.

… Your _what._

You are not going to survive the night,

_Garsiv_

P.S. I am too righteously angry to even fathom your immaturity at the moment.

* * *

My Would-be Murderer,

You're filthy, but they are rather nice.

You're also delusional. I think the blood loss has gotten to you.

Did you really have to punch me that hard? I think you managed to break my nose. I feel light headed.

The blood won't stop gushing,

_Dastan_

P.S. Youth wins again.

* * *

The Fairy,

Stop looking.

You wish I were.

Yes, yes I did.

Oh, shut up you cry baby, I can hear you sobbing across the camp,

_Garsiv_

P.S. What the _hell _is that supposed to mean.

* * *

Garsiv,

You're just jealous Tamina's taking care of me and is furious with _you. _

Why are we still writing, you're glaring at me from two feet away,

_Dastan_

* * *

Really, You Bastard, Even Now,

I'll never send this, but I feel I should say it anyways.

Damnit, Garsiv, we're in another universe. Stop hitting on Tamina, already.

I don't care how fabulous she thinks your facial hair is,

_Dastan_


End file.
